(Editor’s note: Columns often contain opinions, and those belong to the author.)
I confess that I have some conflicted feelings about Thanksgiving. I have so much for which to be thankful, but the holiday will always be colored by the unexpected death of my father on a Thanksgiving weekend. One moment my family was gathered around the table sharing turkey and stuffing and the next moment we were walking through pouring rain trying to pick out a grave site.
Reclaiming gratitude came slowly after that. After all, how can you be grateful when your world has been pulled apart? How can you be grateful when your heart is broken and full of questions? I’ve often wished that we still had the tradition of wearing black armbands. It was a visible sign that said, “I’m in mourning. I’m not o.k. right now.”
Reclaiming gratitude didn’t happen all at once and it came from unexpected places. For me, it came from the writer Anne Lamont as she was being interviewed on an NPR show.
It was another Thanksgiving weekend, and I was driving back from a family dinner on another rainy day and missing my dad terribly. Lamont was being interviewed for the release of her latest book at the time, Help Thanks Wow. I was so captivated that I pulled my car over and began to take notes. I felt that she was speaking just to me.
So, what was it that made such an impact? First, Lamont stressed just being honest with God in your prayers. A perfectly good prayer, according to Lamont is saying, “It is all hopeless, and I don’t have a clue you exist, but I could use a hand.” She then goes on to say that such a confession “would almost bring tears to my eyes, tears of pride in you, for the courage it takes to get real – really real. It would make me want to sit next to you at the dinner table.”
Getting “really real” is giving God the room to work with you. Asking for help is hard. Take it from a recovering “I can do it all by myself” person.
And what are the words that inevitably come out of our mouths after receiving help? “Thank you.” You’ve just taken that first step to recovering gratitude.
Lean into saying thank you for the smallest of things – the primo parking place that suddenly opens, an unexpected text from a friend, a favorite song that comes on. Each of these small things is teaching you gratitude again.
Diana Butler Bass, in a recent post, reminded me that ultimately gratitude is something that we choose. Here’s her prayer on the subversive power of giving thanks.
“GOD, there are many days we do not feel grateful.
When we are anxious or angry. When we feel alone. When we do not understand what is happening in the world or with our neighbors. When the news is bleak and confusing. When there are threats, injustice, violence, and war.
We struggle to feel grateful.
But this Thanksgiving, we choose gratitude.
We choose to accept life as a gift from you, and as a gift from the unfolding work of all creation.
We choose to see our families and friends with new eyes, accepting them for who they are…
We are thankful for our homes, whether humble or grand.
We choose to appreciate and care for our neighbors whatever our differences or how much we feel hurt or misunderstood by them…
This Thanksgiving, we do not give thanks. We choose it.
We make this choice of thanks with courage, knowing that it is humbling to say “thank you.”
We open ourselves to your generosity, aware that we live in a circle of gratitude. We all are guests at your table around which gifts are passed and received.
We will not let anything opposed to love take over this table.
We embrace grace, love, and the gifts of life at this table. In this choosing, and in the sharing of this meal. We are strengthened to pass gratitude on to the world…
We choose thanks. Amen.”
The Rev. Dr. Cynthia Taylor, is a retired Episcopal Priest and full-time animal lover.
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